The $99 junk removal ad, and what it actually covers in Baltimore

The short answer

A "$99 junk removal" ad is almost always describing the smallest possible load from the easiest possible location, and it is usually quoted before the things that make a real job real: the carry-out, the stairs, the disposal, and the second item.

Our numbers are published instead. The minimum per visit is $75. A sofa is $126. A twin mattress is $82. A small junk pile is $82, a medium one is $129, a large one is $208. A quarter truck is $241.

So there genuinely are Baltimore jobs that land near or under $99. A bag of clothes is $35 and a bicycle is $37, but the $75 minimum applies to the visit, so those two together are still a $75 visit. A microwave at $30 on its own is a $75 visit. A toilet at $64 is a $75 visit. An armchair at $77 is $77.

What the $99 ad is usually not counting

Read the footnote on any of these ads and you will typically find some combination of:

• Curbside only. The price assumes the item is already outside. In a Baltimore rowhouse, getting it outside is the job.
• Single item. The second item is priced separately, often at a rate nobody published.
• No disposal. The landfill or transfer station charge is added afterwards, at whatever the gate rate happens to be that week.
• Stair and walk-up charges. Added on site, by someone standing in your vestibule.
• Weight caps. Great until you put a cast iron radiator or a granite countertop section in the truck.

None of those exist in our pricing. A cast iron radiator is $123 and a stone countertop section is $111, and those are the prices whether they come from the front porch or the third floor of a Reservoir Hill rowhouse.

Real Baltimore jobs, with the arithmetic shown

A student leaving a Charles Village group house. Futon, mini fridge, desk: $111 + $115 + $83 = $309.

A bedroom cleared after a downsizing move in Guilford. Dresser, two nightstands, queen mattress and box spring as a set: $126 + $57 + $57 + $143 = $383.

A basement laundry swap in Locust Point. Washer and dryer: $133 + $128 = $261.

A living room emptied in Hampden. Sofa, recliner, coffee table: $126 + $98 + $67 = $291.

Not one of those is a $99 job, and no honest operator was ever going to do them for $99.

Why the low advertised number survives

Because it works as a phone call. The ad is buying the visit, not the job. Once the truck is outside your rowhome on Eastern Avenue and two people are standing on your marble steps, the conversation has already moved from "should I do this" to "how much." That is a much better position for whoever is quoting.

The flat-price model exists to move that conversation back to your kitchen table, before anyone is parked outside and before you feel like you owe somebody a yes.

What Baltimore's housing does to a lowball number

Three features of this city's housing stock are where cheap quotes go to die:

• Narrow rowhouse doors and vestibules. A sofa that has to be turned twice inside a six-foot entry is a two-person, twenty-minute item before it even reaches the sidewalk.
• Dug-out basements. A lot of Canton, Federal Hill and Highlandtown rowhomes have cellars with low headroom and steep, narrow stairs, sometimes with a hatch to the alley instead of an interior run. Everything that comes out of one comes out awkwardly.
• No driveway. Most rowhome blocks have no off-street parking, so a long carry from the truck to the door is the norm, not the exception.

A per-item flat price absorbs all of it. An on-site quote reprices around all of it.

How to read any junk removal ad in thirty seconds

Ask these four questions. If any answer is "we'll tell you when we get there," you do not have a price, you have an appointment.

• Is the carry-out included, from any floor?
• Is disposal included?
• What is the second item, exactly, in dollars?
• Is there a stair, walk-up, or long-carry charge?

For us the answers are yes, yes, whatever the published rate for that item is, and no.

The volume version

If your job is not a list of items, the truck-fill ladder does the same work. A quarter truck is $241, three eighths is $338, half is $431, five eighths is $513, three quarters is $587, seven eighths is $661, and a full truck is $732.

That is what a real Baltimore basement or garage clear-out usually costs, and it is the number you see before booking rather than after loading.

What to take from this

$99 is a headline. $75 is a minimum. $126 is a couch. $431 is a half truck out of a Patterson Park rowhouse.

The useful test is not which number is smallest in an ad. It is which number is still the number after the truck leaves your block.

Frequently asked questions